Last week I talked to a friend about a child of mine who can be extra bossy and, when he’s away from home, disobedient. After recounting a few recent episodes, she suggested that I remind him of his age and not allow him to speak to adults as if he were their equal (or as if they were his servants). My husband and I took note and came to the conclusion that although we don’t allow him to run the house, he is definitely on the “committee.”
Though it may seem a kindness to treat small children like adults, allowing them to make sweeping decisions for themselves and finding amusement in their “bossiness,” it can actually be doing them a great disservice. Though our egalitarian ears don’t like the sound of “obedience” or “suppressing a desire or personality,” God doesn’t always operate democratically. Because we have fallen human natures, we don’t always make the best decisions for ourselves. God sets up authority structures in the government, the church, and the home to keep sinful human nature at bay. One of the first things and most important things a child needs to learn is that he doesn’t run the world. Some children never learn this universal law from loving parents; instead, they must learn it the hard way, from the embarrassment of not being liked or respected to the discipline of a church or law enforcement.
Knowing one’s place in life is essential to having a restored relationship with our Creator. It was pride that got us into this mess, and only through humility can we ever hope to get out of it. As the Sovereign Fiat of the Universe, it is futile to question God’s ways or attempt to circumvent His rules. Acknowledging our place as a lowly Creature and as as a forgiven sinner, we can only hope and aspire to be a servant in God’s Kingdom. For a small child, his home is the universe. If he is given everything he cries for, and he is never taught to serve and respect others, then He will find it difficult to later deny himself daily and follow Christ.
Knowing your place in life isn’t just for tots; we could all use a reminder every once in awhile, too! God has given me authority in a few small places and over a few small people, and it’s my responsibility to use that authority to serve and influence. But there’s a lot of other places where I’m just called to serve and not to wield any authority. If I don’t like the way my husband organizes our family schedule, it’s not my place to insist on doing it differently. If I don’t like the songs being taught in toddler children’s church, it’s not place to complain about it. Often times, complaining is really saying: I’m a very important person and everyone should be doing things my way! If it’s your job to decide, then use your authority to influence in a way you think is best; if it’s not your job to decide, then serve by being supportive, even if you don’t like it. This doesn’t mean that you ever allow sin or that you never offer constructive criticism, but for me, it does mean that I usually keep my opinions to myself.
You don’t have to be a meanie to teach your children that they are not the center of the universe. While teaching humility, you are also modeling servant-leadership and showing them how to do all things in love. It may not be what they want, but it is what they need, and they will love and appreciate that.
Simple Gifts by Joseph Bracett, Jr., 1848
‘Tis the gift to be simple,
’tis the gift to be free,
’tis the gift to come down where you ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
It will be in the valley of love and delight.
When true simplicity is gained,
To bow and to bend we shan’t be ashamed
To turn, turn will be our delight,
‘Til by turning, turning we come round right.
Thanks for that topic! Just yesterday in a restaurant Daniel ordered his dinner and Matthew said, “Me too.” Then, when the waiter brought the drinks Matthew repeated, “That’s mine?” several times as he tried to figure out which drink was going to him. Later when Daniel asked for something, my son piped in, “Me too! very confidently although I don’t think he knew what it was Daniel had requested.”
I sat there wondering if it truly was cute that he was trying to order his meal just like his daddy. One question that helps me to make decisions about whether to nip a behavior now or let it go is this: “Is my son’s behavior still going to be cute in another year or two?
My son may get plenty of laughs and smiles now because he is just learning to talk, and people can actually understand what he is saying, but it will be a lot easier to teach him how to behave politely when he is 3, 4, or 5 by showing and teaching him now rather than later!
“Often times, complaining is really saying: I’m a very important person and everyone should be doing things my way!”
We are dealing with this a LOT in our house. We are trying to nip bad behavior in the bud while they are young. Right now my son loves to interject “but” or “maybe” or “I think” into my instructions. Funny how no one teaches them to want their own way. It is their sinful nature.
This statement, Dana, cuts to the quick, but it is the truth. I am having our kids memorize Phil 2:14 in this version, “Do all things without grumbling or arguing.” I have been under conviction when looking at my print-out of this verse that I’ve plastered on the fridge. What kind of spirit do I have throughout the day?
Thank you for this reminder, Dana.