Are You a Loyal Person?

A 6th grade student of mine chose to write a critical essay on the topic of loyalty in the Chronicles of Narnia.Since we disussed loyalty in class, I’ve been trying to define loyalty. If loyalty is simply allegiance to someone or some organization, then how is loyalty any different than simple obedience? It’s wrong to lie about your friend and it’s wrong to do him harm—how is loyalty distinctly defined other than simply not doing direct harm to someone? Edmund was wrong to join forces with a wicked Queen and lie to his brothers and sisters. Why should we add “treachery” to his list of crimes?

And apart from the difficulty of defining loyalty, we no longer encourage this quality in young people; in fact, we discourage it. Loyalty to tradition will only blind you to the truth or keep you from achieving your personal best; independent, creative thinking is always the way to go.

I had almost given up on solving this puzzle when I began reading a chapter on how school boards should run. As the author emphasized the importance of the board speaking with one voice, the pieces all started coming together. As I considered the imperative that a board member give up his personal preference for the sake of the board, I realized that loyalty = community. Loyalty begins by realizing that you are not an independent individual; you are an integral part of a group. You have two choices: you can give allegiance to, and serve the group, or you can be selfish and do what’s best for you. That’s why treachery is such an odious word.

When Hitler invaded the bulk of Europe in WWII, some citizens actually helped Hitler. These folks were known as “collaborators,” a fancy name for traitor.  Why were these folks so bad—maybe they liked Germany; perhaps they believed in Hitler’s cause. They were hated because they were not looking out for their country; they were hurting everyone else in order to save their own hides.

What are some groups to which we owe our loyalty? Most of us are either married or will be one day. If we are loyal to our spouse, we will never undermine him. A husband should give great weight to his wife’s opinion, but if she disagrees with him in front of the children, the authority of both parents is undermined and the children have learned a great lesson—on dis-loyalty. A wife’s loyalty is to her husband, but also to the entire family structure. Speaking out against her husband or doing things her way behind is back is not just a lack of submission: it’s an act of treason against the family. A woman who loves her family instead of herself will honor the family structure and do what is best for everyone. A man who entertains demeaning jokes about his wife is cutting himself down because they are one flesh. A man who commits adultery is much more culpable than a single man who has a pregnant girlfriend. Family loyalty supercedes perhaps all other earthly loyalties. You should get steaming mad if anyone (even another family member) tries to drive a wedge into that allegiance. And may we never be guilty of undermining another’s loyalty to their spouse or parents.

Another place for loyalty is the church, for here we covenant together, serve one another, and break bread together. Knowing the real and eternal ties of brotherhood (and sisterhood) and the price paid to create those bonds, how could we ever allow slander and backbiting to take place in front of us? When someone slights another brother in your presence, they are not telling you for your own good or flattering you (you’re not like that!), they are breaking the unity of your church—for their own advantage! If you have a legitimate complaint, there is a way to go about handling that, but once the elders have made a decision, you should support it. Your loyalty is not necessarily to a leader; it’s to the church, your community. When someone seeks to undermine authority or spread dissent and division, then acknowledge it for what it is: treachery, the self-serving kind.

Loyalty is gratefulness. Why do we honor our parents and not leave them out on the streets when they are old? Because they gave us everything and made us what we are. We are grateful to those who mentored us and guided us in truth and wisdom, and we know it would be silly to now turn our backs on them and criticize their simple ways. That’s like criticizing your mother for not being as brilliant and well-read as you are when she’s the one who taught you how to read. In a church, we acknowledge the value of community; we don’t look to the church as a supermarket where we go to get our favorite items. We know we need the church and we are grateful for it.

Independence is pride. Independence believes that we don’t need others for ourselves to function properly. Independence knows exactly the right thing to do all the time—why listen to anyone else? Why do so many women bemoan the fact that their identity is tied up in being a wife and mother? Of course it is. And we are happy to have it that way. Being a wife and mother are both generous gifts from God and we relish in them. Being a part of the group and tying up our lives in service to others helps us rise above ourselves and gives us lasting purpose and fulfillment. Leaving your husband to “find” yourself is absurd! It would be like cutting off your leg so it could go enjoy a ride at Six Flags while the rest of you stays home to go to work.

There is, of course, the possibilty that your loyalty is in the wrong place. If your group is rotten to the core or starts demanding you to sin, then it’s time to do an Abigail and get out of dodge. Loyalty to God, not my own opinion, supercedes all other loyalties.

In an old TV miniseries, The Thornbirds, a Roman Catholic priest is torn between his duty and his love for a woman. At the end of their lives, he breaks down and cries because he didn’t put her first. Maggie sets the record straight: you may have loved God more than me, but you always loved yourself first. Throughout history, traitors have often met the worse kind of fates because they could never again be trusted. Dante reserves the lowest parts of hell for traitors. Satan was a traitor. Edmund was traitor because instead of serving his brothers and sisters, he sold them out for some Turkish Delight and a shot at kingship. It was all about him. As sinners, we were once guilty of high treason against God, but since God has reconciled us, we should be all the more willing to asknowledge our interdependence and not set out on our own. God is faithful. He is faithful to His people and we should emulate Him by being faithful.