Finding Myself

Who am I really? Who did God create me to be? These questions often surface during critical periods in our lives. For me it was this past summer—right before I gave birth to my first child. I was sitting on the floor of my office area trying to reach over my very pregnant belly to put the Beowulf files in the “English 12” pile and the test preparation files in the “A.P. English” pile. As I sat there reorganizing and putting away all of my teaching materials, knowing that I would not be using them in the fall and may not be using them again for a long time, I felt as if I were packing up a part of who I am—that a part of me was being tucked away out of sight into a filing cabinet, perhaps never to reappear. I was excited about the baby, but I wondered if, in the words of our society, I would “lose myself” if I were “stuck” at home every day with an infant. I could not help feeling that perhaps by turning from the teaching career I loved, I might no longer be the person God had created me to be.

It was just a day or two later that I began to study the women of the Bible. It made the most sense to me to start at the very beginning—at the first mention of woman. What I discovered there quelled my fears. Chapter two of Genesis gives women the answer to whom and what God created us to be. In verse 18 we find the reason God created the first woman: it was not good for man to be alone. Therefore, God created a “help meet” for Adam—woman. God’s design in creating the first woman was to provide a fitting or proper aid to Adam—one who would assist him in time of want, difficulty, or stress—one who would promote him, relieve him, contribute to his success, and make his life easier. It is very likely, then, that God has created me for the very same purpose—to be a fitting, proper aid to my husband.

How does this recognition affect my daily life? Does it mean I stay home all day to fix gourmet meals and keep the house looking perfect? Or does it mean that I get a full-time or part-time job to help my husband with the finances so that he doesn’t have to work two jobs to support the family and is able to minister to others more efficiently?

I don’t think there is one universal right answer to this question. Titus 2:5 does indicate that women are to be diligent at home, implying that we women are responsible for the smooth running of our households, but nowhere does Scripture state that women must remain at home all day every day. In fact the excellent wife in Proverbs 31 is quite enterprising: she manages the household (including servants—wouldn’t that be nice?), invests in a field and works it, and runs her own business, working late into the night to create good merchandise (fine linen) and finding merchants to sell it.

Obviously our culture is different from the one in which she lived. I don’t, unfortunately, have servants to supervise and take care of. Nor would my husband best be served by my disastrous efforts to make fine linen. I do, however, see a principle that I believe women today can apply to their own lives. The excellent wife attends to household tasks and diligently helps her husband. All of her effort and abilities are dedicated to serving her husband and family.

What does this principle look like lived out in our culture? Well, if each of us was created to be a fitting helper to her own husband, then this principle will be played out differently in different marriages. Each woman should ask herself and her husband how she can best support and promote him. In what areas of life does he most need her help? Perhaps she does need to find a way to bring extra income into the house. Perhaps he needs the encouragement of coming home to a clean house and a home-cooked meal more than he needs extra income. Each of us needs to know her own husband.

And let us not forget about emotional and spiritual needs. We should make it our business to know when our husbands need extra comfort and encouragement, and to know what they struggle with spiritually so that we can encourage them in their efforts to overcome those struggles. We should also make it our business to know our husbands’ spiritual gifts and support them in using those gifts to edify the body of believers, evangelize the lost, and bring glory to God. We should recognize God’s calling on our husbands to various ministries and support them in those endeavors.

Because each of us has a different husband, the specific action we take when we recognize that we are created to be helpers to our husbands will be different. The principle, however, is the same: since God created us to be our husbands’ helpers, we must make helping them our primary job.

In this realization I found great comfort as I finished packing up my teaching materials.  My talents may (and do) differ from those of the Proverbs 31 lady. I need to use the talents God has given me, and my primary focus should be using those talents to help my husband. Yes, I will use my God-given abilities to minister to others besides my husband, but other ministries should never hinder me from fulfilling my primary function—being a fitting helper for my husband. Therefore, although God created me with unique abilities that I am to use in His service, my primary purpose in life is not to be the best high school English teacher I can be, but to be the best help to my husband that I can be. What relief this discovery brought me! By staying home right now to meet the needs of my husband and our child, I am not “losing myself.” If anything, I am actually “finding myself.”