I Love Being Married!

Last night I was rummaging through TJ Maxx looking for some curtains to coordinate with our new Starry Night that the kids wanted me to hang in the playroom, and as I was looking, I happened to overhear a short conversation at the layaway counter. The employee was asking a customer (whom she apparently knew) if she were dating anyone. The customer, who was about my age) replied casually: “No, I was seeing someone, but that was only for a few months. I was really on the rebound then. I like it this way. I need some time for reflection.” The employee agreed with this analysis but admitted that she did get lonely sometimes. After reassuring her friend that girls could have a great time together, they parted ways with a promise to get together soon to share a bottle of wine and some good times.

By this time my mind was off curtains and on to what it would be like to be in my 30’s, single, dating, and “on the rebound.” Going straight from home life—to college dorm life—to marriage, I’ve never lived entirely on my own and the few short years that I remember “dating” were way too stressful—-definitely wouldn’t want to go there again! As I watched this lonely lady push her cart away to head home…alone, I was tempted to go up to the loudspeaker and tell everyone in the store how happy I was to be married. I thought about all the young women who believe that marriage is a dead end or that being a mother is the ultimate sacrifice and I just wanted to tell them that all of that was lies. All of it—-lies that we’ve heard for decades. I just thought that someone should stand up in TJ Maxx and let everyone know that it was a LIE!

When God, our personal Creator, set up the institution of marriage for us, He knew what He was doing. Eve was a gift for Adam, not a burden or even a necessity. Adam didn’t just have to have someone to help out in the garden or multiply the human race; he needed and wanted a companion and a completer. God made us so that we would find our fulfillment in being a vital part of a family. All women, young or single, should be intricately linked to a family, but if God allows you to be a wife, it is a special blessing and a place of honor. And if children are added to the mix, then there is even more reason to rejoice.

When I was a young girl, I used to go to church by myself  a lot, and I dreamed of one day going to church with my family. I had it all worked out in my head: my very handsome husband, me, and some adorable little girls with ribbons in their hair, of course, all sitting together in church. It didn’t quite work out like I planned. My husband (very handsome, yes), doesn’t get to sit with me since he’s the pastor, and my boys do not like to wear ribbons in their hair, but I’m not complaining, and I’m still holding out for the ribbon-thing.

Though it does make Sundays a lot nicer, there’s more that I love about marriage than just having someone to go to church with. As a complementarian, I believe that women have a special and unique ability to help or assist, and being married gives me the privilege of helping someone that I love and respect. All of those things like cooking and cleaning and ironing (I hate ironing!) are not so burdensome when you’re doing it for the people you love. I could work to make money, but instead, I get to work to take care of the people who have the most special place in my heart. When I take care of the house, I’m not just making things look nice; I’m creating a haven for someone who carries a lot of burdens and a garden for little people who need a safe place to grow up strong.

 As a wife, I don’t have to compete to make my way in this world; I get to be a vital part of another’s mission and achievements. I get to take the gifts God gave me and pour them into other people’s lives. A wife doesn’t have to seek recognition by an anonymous world; she is loved, cared for, and deeply needed by her family. Today, women seek for fulfillment in a career, and though the world may notice them, it will never rise up and call them blessed.

Single lifestyles look fun, like those portrayed on the sitcom “Friends,” but those shows never fast-forward twenty years. Are these people happy when they’re still single, divorced, on-the-rebound, and no longer good-looking? Will they have found the right one before it’s time for them to be having grandkids? Are they all going to the nursing home together and will they still be having that much fun?

Some might see marriage as giving up your friends, and in many ways, it is. But as fun and healthy as good friendships are, God made you to be the soul companion of just one friend. I love getting together with the “girls,” and I couldn’t live without an occasional night out with a good girlfriend at Starbucks, but strand me on an island with just one person, and there’s no question as to who that one person would be. My husband is the only person who would actually listen to me all day long without trying to drown himself, who would consider all my new ideas, and he’s almost the only person who laughs at my jokes. Sharing coffee together just isn’t quite as fulfilling as sharing a home, a child, and a life together.

Maybe some gals are afraid that the romance will die off after getting married. True, every single day of marriage isn’t exactly like the days when you were being courted with flower and song, but those feelings are replaced with even better ones. Back in the dating days, some of those flower and song fellows stopped singing when someone better came along or when they found out you couldn’t really play the piano. In marriage, you wake up every morning knowing that the man you love is going to take care of you, make sure you’re not living on the street, protect you, honor you, and stay with you when you’re old. Marriage is a great deal for women—lifestyle independence is not.

I didn’t embarrass myself at TJ Maxx, but I did come home resolved to honor the institution of marriage and be more grateful for my marriage. Our little girls are not as excited about marriage as we were. We can change that by being joyful wives and mothers, instead of reluctant ones, and we can live out the beauty and happiness of marriage before the eyes of the young women in our church. We women can really complain about the problems in our marriages and the hardships of having small children, and etc. In the form of asking questions about certain topics, are we not sometimes really complaining about how bad we have it? If you were a young girl and you went to a Bible study for married women who were all commiserating about dusting and homeschooling, would you want to get married? Here’s what we say: “Girls, those career women on TV, though they look fantastic and happy, are really miserable. Though we look frumpy, weary, frustrated, exasperated, and miserable, we’re really extremely happy and fulfilled on the inside. What a deal!

Being married isn’t all glamour and privilege, but it is settled happiness. I want the whole world (and everyone at TJ Maxx) to know that I LOVE BEING MARRIED!