Friday night my husband came home and instantly knew by the look on my face that I was in survival mode. That morning I visited several paint stores with my toddler son alongside. I evidently was wearing on his patience because by the end of my time at the second store, my son was wreaking havic. He knocked down all the rolls of paper off the shelves like dominoes and managed to kick one out the door. When we left he ran headlong into the parking lot which also scared me.
You know that new anti-spanking legislation is being spearheaded in Mountain View, CA just 10 minutes away from where we live. So, what do I do to help my 2-year old son to be motivated to not behave this way next time? Do I never take him to a paint store again or always hold him to the car? When do I let him have freedom to grow up? And, when does he ever learn that in life there are consequences for bad behavior? I don’t want him to learn the hard way, and I certainly can’t be there to protect him every single minute!
Later that day, my son was yelling in the car telling me which way to turn, and also yelling at me telling me which way to go down the aisles at the grocery store. He clearly wanted to be in charge of me and not the other way around. I sternly looked at him and said, “You are not in charge here. Mommy is, and we are going this way.” A grocery worker looked at me and said, “You really believe that? I lost that battle a long time ago!” I smiled politely, but didn’t think it was a bit funny.
I’ll spare you more frustrating details about my day, but it got far worse when my son knocked over a quart of paint sitting on the bathroom counter. I was preparing the bathroom with painters tape at the time. Evidently the person who mixed my paint at the store failed to secure the lid on tightly because the instant the can dropped on the floor, paint immediately emptied over the entire flooring, splashed onto the white doors, and into the hallway carpet and even into the next bedroom door after that. My son just looked at the floor in shock and walked through an inch of paint and onto the carpet.
Needless to say, I cleaned the paint off my son first and got him safely in his room. Then, I spent the next hour cleaning up paint. I got it all done just in time for my student to arrive for a flute lesson. After the flute lesson, I returned to the paint store for more paint. When I arrived I was immediately told the store was closed. I argued that I was there much earlier than it’s closing hours posted, but got harrassed further until another employee came out, chewed the first guy out and apologized on his behave to me. I got a free quart and I never said a word about the paint spill, but inside I was thinking, “can I handle much more today?”
The next day I read the news and was sorry for having a complaining spirit. I thought my day was bad, but people in Greensburg Kansas had it much worse that day! And, if I can teach my son that Mommy and Daddy are in charge now, there will be far fewer bad days in the future!
Last night in church my just three year old, who has to sit through the service because we have no nursery in the evenings, heard her Daddy (the Pastor) talking about the Soverignty of God. He said “God in in charge”….it thrilled my heart when Karis leaned over and whispered “God is the Boss!.” This led to another discussion at home and I believe she is starting to realize where the chain of command originates and where she is supposed to fall in place!
Isn’t it amazing the crazy looks you get from people in stores when you say things like you did? Whenever I use the word “Obey,” you’d think I had two heads!
I didn’t realize you were so close to the anti-spanking thing in CA. Could you comment, for those of us far away, on what is happening and how life is being affected for you?
Jamie, I’ve found the perfect method: take away the Brum video!
K Henson,
Saying God is the boss certainly does add weight and authority to things!
Yes, today the concept “obey” is considered the opposite of teaching your children how to think for themselves.
The way the anti-spanking movement has manifested itself here is that all parents sign documents at the pediatricians office saying they never will spank, hit, slap, or use any other kind of physical punishment on their child.
The pressure is very high here, and no parent really feels safe talking about discipline measures other than “time out” which is the preferred and exceptable way to discipline. However, one summer teaching at a preschool proved to me that time outs don’t correct behavior, they just put it off for another time. Also, I’ve noticed that parents are more likely to scream at their children when disorderliness and bad behavior is not curbed with calm and purposeful discipline.
Yesterday, one parent commented that everyone at her party was in awe when my son obeyed his daddy’s quiet command the first time. Another parent was shocked that I never raise my voice to my son when I discipline him. My feeling on this is, my child is not hard of hearing, just disobedient and that is what I try to address.
Letting your kids see that they have just gotten under your skin, or pushed you over the limit, or made you mad is not a good punishment. Yelling or screaming at the kids is harmful because it can result in your child feeling resentment, bitterness, a feeling of unwantedness, and teaches them that anger is OK. So, a calm, purposeful spanking is enough of a deterent for young children to help them want to mind their parents, and parents can still guide their children’s behavior without letting anger get in the way of their love for their them.
What a great post on God’s plan for discipline! God is such a God of order. I may not get swats, but He still disciplines me when I need it and it is out of love, just like we do for our children.
Some encouragament for you, friend~ I know I use this one All the time! : Hebrews 12:7-8,
“Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons.
For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined( and everyone undergoes discipline)thenyou are illegitimate children and not true sons.”