What it Means to be a Good Neighbor

At a time when we are so busy baking for our friends and neighbors and sending off gifts to our family, it behooves us to stop and think about what it means to be a good neighbor. Our gifts show appreciation and kindness to those around us at Christmastime, and perhaps we even stop to reflect on how our friends and family have gotten us through some tough times this year. We read that the ”law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (Gal. 5:14). So, how does what the Scriptures say about being a good neighbor apply to our family, friends, and church members? We normally refer to our neighbors as the ones next door, but those aren’t necessarily the closest people in our lives these days. 

I remember growing up in the country with a wonderful nieghbor that we could call on for anything.  I even called my neighbor once when I was 13 years old to say that I was babysitting and scared because there was a kangaroo rat loose in our house and I didn’t know what to do. We also occasionally called to borrow ingredients from them when we were halfway through a recipe and couldn’t stop to take a 30 min. trip to the nearest grocery store and back.

Now, I live in the city with one million people where most define a good neighbor as someone who is quiet and minds his own business. Those aren’t the people I go to when I need help though! For instance, this year when I went swimming and brought the wrong set of keys to get back in my house I knew one neighbor I could go to who would not think it an inconvenience! She kindly gave my son and me a dry change of clothes, food, and she let us stay until my husband came home. Now that’s a good neighbor!

We relate to our neighbors and friends on many different levels and usually connect on some common denominator like church, school, a community class, a sports team, or a club. The more we get to know our friends the more chances there are for saying good or bad things, helping or hurting, building up or tearing down. Therefore, friends have responsibilities to build one another up and be there for each other. Galations 6:2 says, “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” Life is too short to tear down, talk badly about behind backs, hold grudges, refuse to ask for forgiveness, and give the silent treatment! It’s easy to shed friends who do these things to us, but much harder to do right by them. Then there is our family.

Our immediate family most likely includes the people we live with.  These are the people in our lives who probably know our weaknesses, habits, and tendencies the most. Inevitably, a family learns other’s faults and short-comings, but with those personal insights comes a lot of responsibility too! Family can and should be a huge support and encouragement to us, and vice versa. There are some dangers of familiarity though if it makes us less thoughtful, less sensitive, or less self-sacrificing.

We often think that because our love is so strong for our family it can survive getting knocked every now and then for selfishness’ sake. However, venting one’s own frustrations upon those who we live with is unhealthy, and a slip of the tongue with sarcasm, or a curt word day in and day out is damaging. We have a spiritual role to build up members within our own family. This means seeing the good in others, saying things that edify, and helping others desire the things of God. It is often because of family and friends praying for us and believing in our potential that we flourish and succeed at the things we do!

You’ve probably heard the saying, “Behind every great man is a great woman.” Putting others first is our calling in Christ. It is what Jesus did by example and asks us to also emulate. We all want friends who think of others, but it is even more noble of a goal to be that kind of friend to others. So, how does our friendship-building carry over into our church family?

There is a strong movement in our culture to view church as a just another club where people get together with similar values, but it is far more than that if you believe in the power of prayer! Being a member of a church is a lot more than just showing up on Sunday mornings and tithing! Like most memberships there are expectations of participation within the church. It is a place where we have a few moments to connect with people on a faith basis. Taking time to share what God is doing in your life with others at church as well as learning the same from others is what true fellowship is all about. Too often we loosely use the word fellowship and it is mostly superficial conversation where we come away knowing as little about the other person as we did yesterday! Church is that place where we should feel most open to share needs and burdens without concern for gossip, but where we can be sure that people will remember to pray for us during the week.

Recently, my husband and I were invited to dinner by a couple who attends our church. This was a special occasion for us because it wasn’t a church-initiated event. These people took a genuine interest in getting to know us better, and in one conversation that evening the hostess made the statement, “I forget sometimes when I’m sitting in church that the people around me have needs. I tend to think everyone around me has perfect lives.” I’m sure a lot of people think that way, but until we get to know people on a one-on-one basis, church fails to operate as a community. In essence, the people in the church fail to be a good friends and neighbors.

 When asked what the greatest commandment was Jesus said, 

Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

What a great summary of the law and prophets! If being a good neighbor to others is right up there with loving God, then we should be concerned with those who live next door, work with us, and sit next to us in church.  Yes, this includes even the family members that we share the same roof with. How easy it is to overlook the needs of people that are the closest to us! As I reflect on God’s goodness to give me wonderful friends this year, I also want to consider how I can better extend myself as a friend to more people around me this coming year.